So it happened. I am sure others may have thought it at times and hey I don't blame them. I have thought the same thing about myself. But coming out of someones mouth just made it real. "Are you expecting?" a colleague of mine from another Maryland college asked while we were working a college fair this morning. I froze in horror and immediately sucked it in. Yea I was wearing a bit baggier of a top but I was feeling good. I worked out for 45 minutes this morning. I politely said no and told her I just had a baby. I could see the horror in her eyes as she realized her mistake and for some reason I felt bad for her instead of feeling like I wanted to punch her. She handled it beautifully turning the subject to my baby asking how old she is. I could feel the lump rising in my throat and my face turn red as I contemplated a lie. 6 weeks, 12 weeks. It's still acceptable to look this way then right and of course I blurted out 6 months as if I were ashamed. I held it together but I wanted to run out screaming. It wasn't her fault. I could easily pull off telling people I am pregnant and they would totally believe it.
I breathed out a sigh of relief as I got into the car after the college fair...mainly because I was sucking it in the whole 2 hours. As I drove back to my hotel in tears thinking that I wanted to eat the entire goody bag they gave us I resisted and I realized something. Why should I be ashamed? This body carried the most beautiful thing-my Lillian Grace. This body provided her with nourishment and a place to grow for 9 months. My precious baby girl came from this body and for that reason and that reason alone I love it (well love is a strong word...but you know what I mean!)
Yes I am working at loosing this weight because I am not comfortable right now. Sure next time around I will try not to eat as much candy and ice cream but for now I will continue to work at it...and next time someone asks if I am expecting I will just smile and say: "No I am just fat!" I cannot take the credit for that little come back. Just so happens a friend of mine who gave birth a few days later to her baby girl at the same hospital had the same thing happen to her today and that was her response. That was a good one.
My 5.7 mile leg of the Marathon Relay is this weekend and while I am not totally physically prepared I think completing this will give me a sense of accomplishment. I know I can do it. It may take me a little longer than I am used to but I will finish. I will be one step closer to my goal to getting back in shape. It's going to happen-I just need to work even harder!
That made me tear up - very powerful! It's so easy to be hard on ourselves and our bodies, but you're right. Look at the amazing things our bodies did to give birth to our precious babies! Our babies are amazing :) So let's cut them some slack (well, after the marathon relay of course!) Thanks for sharing - it struck a chord.
ReplyDeleteThe thing to remember, too, is that carrying a baby changes your body in ways besides just the weight itself. I've more than lost what I gained while I was pregnant, but my body shape is pretty much completely different than what it was before I was pregnant. And even if I lose more weight, it's still going to be different.
ReplyDeleteI think the way you are choosing to look at it is good. Because we did carry those sweet little babies for 9+ months, and our bodies did an amazing job of sustaining them and then delivering them. And it's worth the sacrifice. I think if it happens again, you should just own it and let the person who asked be the embarrassed one!