It wasn't that long ago that I was nervously waiting the arrival of our first born. We didn't know she was a she or that her name would be Lillian Grace, but looking back it's like she always was, well, her. Even when I think back upon memories when she wasn't with us, our wedding, college years, high school years, it is weird to think that I had no clue she would be mine. In my mind, looking back, I was always waiting for her. Just like I had always been waiting for Tommy...it was just supposed to happen. She's in those memories now-it may sound weird but I cannot describe it any other way. Maybe other moms feel the same? I don't know. I just know I cannot imagine my life before she came into this world.
As hard as I tried to hold on to all those moments of Lilly's life before they flew past (I even think I blogged about taking in every moment) they still flew by even though I grasped on so tightly. Here we are almost 2 years later wondering where the time went. We still have so much more ahead of us so I am sure there are moms of 10 year olds, 18 year olds, 31 year olds saying: "just wait" and I will say-"I'm sure" as I look at her adorable innocent face and think-that seems like such a while away and part of my heart will ache when I realize that they all are right.
My beautiful sweet little girl. She loves all things girly and yet she loves to get dirty. She says "hi" to everyone she sees and even says "how are you!" (it makes me furious when people don't respond to her). She lights up a room with her vivacious personality and knows just what to do to make me laugh. She is perfect. Even on the days when she tries my patience there is always a moment in that day that just makes me love her even more. When she hugs, she pats your back (sometimes it's hard). She loves wearing her hollywoods (sunglasses) and she loves music-especially Barney songs. She can go from hitting your face to holding it in her hands looking into your eyes and says she's sorry with such compassion that you cannot help but smile through the seriousness as you explain that "we don't hit". She loves to draw, color, and paint. She wakes up talking and it's so fun to hear some of the things that were going through her mind during her nap. Everything and more was there before we even knew it. As I cradled her in my arms for the first time she was that sweet, vivacious, kind girl-we just hadn't learned it yet and we will continue to learn all about our Lilly and then it will seem like we always knew...I guess that's what makes life just that more precious and truly a miracle.
It's hard to grasp, even having been through 2 years with Lilly, that we will get the privilege to do it all over again. Just like before, it still doesn't feel real and I am sure I am not alone in wondering how I am going to love another child as much as I love Lilly. Logically I know I will feel the same way-that life before he came into this world didn't seem to exist without knowing what he looked like or what his name was. Even knowing this time around that we are having a boy doesn't change that feeling of just not knowing what to expect-other than he will be dressed in blues and not pinks.
I get excited thinking of that feeling and seeing Lilly with her baby "brover" for the first time, and holding him in my arms knowing our family is complete, once again. I will look back at this post and the post I wrote before I had Lilly and laugh telling myself: "You have no idea"! But do you ever really have any clue just how these little ones will change your lives?
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